We just moved to our new office. I am going to be here a lot of the weekend getting things how I want them.

Meanwhile, my boss already has everything just so. He also has this plaque on his door.

Today I dropped off all our used-up batteries at the hazardous waste disposal place. I hate batteries so this made me happy.

Me: *snapping michael* this is the face of a woman who no longer possesses any dead batteries
Michael: the batteries in my mouse just died! You must have stolen its energy
Me: I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations
Michael: I will hold you accountable regardless

I’m in a community called “Just Ask One Jew,” where we giggle at non-Jewish images etc (happy Chanukah messages, products that are supposed to be Jewish, etc.) that totally fail in some way. With Chanukah it is often the Chanukiah having the wrong number of branches and/or people adding in a bunch of things from other Jewish holidays completely unrelated to Chanukah. (Or putting Hebrew words in backwards. A classic.)

We all got into an intense fight/discussion day before yesterday about the war and frightening antisemitism and Zionism and the hostages etc. One person finally said something that was very simple and honest, and it got me to be very simple and honest too:

Bronwyn Grace this was really moving to hear. I think you really voiced what all Zionist Jews are thinking. No jew wants innocent people to die. No jew enjoys being part of the cause of suffering of other people. We all understand what our safety, when we can achieve it, is costing Palestinians. But we also aren’t willing to just let ourselves be killed anymore because non-Jews decide they don’t want us to be where we are.

And the reality is, Hamas is making peace impossible. They will not agree to any sort of compromise, they will not ever stop killing Jews, and the normal Palestinians have no power to stop them (Hamas does not even allow them to vote).

This is a terrible dilemma, and it’s complicated by latent antisemitism that makes people value Jewish lives less.

Like you, I am scared and tired. My son is in college and is essentially in hiding. I don’t feel like there is anything I can do to keep him safe. I imagine my daughter as one of the hostages, and people just… not caring, deliberately not caring, implying that it is WRONG to care, in the name of righteousness. Those parents. What they are going through. It is just emotionally crushing, all of it, and I am so tired of crying.

I explicitly gave up fighting on the internet years ago. But the current Middle East war and associated antisemitism is hitting me so hard that I am crying every day, emotionally raw, and furious at the clueless, callous, routine latent antisemitism that is popping up everywhere. I am fighting on the internet again whenever I see it, and I am absolutely not policing my tone.

I don’t know whether this is a pointless, painful exercise or a morally necessary thing. That’s always the question, isn’t it? Do you speak up and call out, or do you give up and protect your own peace? Which is best to do in a given situation and conversation. There’s no clear answer.

The Dreyfus Affair was an incident in 1895 et seq where Alfred Dreyfus, a Jewish artillery officer in France, was blatantly and obviously framed for treason and espionage. The identity of the actual traitor was widely known, as was Dreyfus’s sterling record, but the army officers in charge lackadaisically suppressed evidence against the actual traitor and fabricated evidence against the Jewish officer instead. They relied on the intense French antisemitism to support their transparent efforts- and were right to do so.

Theodore Herzl, a journalist who grew up in this openly antisemetic European culture, witnessed a Parisian mob yelling for the blood of this plainly innocent man. He concluded that Jews would never be safe living in diaspora among non-Jews. He wrote “the Jewish State,” which was the beginning of contemporary Zionism. The beginning of the dream of the state of Israel. Where Jews could protect themselves and be safe- a goal never reachable living among non-Jews.

Meanwhile, Emile Zola wrote the famous “J’accuse!” article defending Dreyfus and pointing out all the obvious evidence that Dreyfus was being framed and convicted by a kangaroo court. Zola was then tried for slander and sentenced to two years imprisonment.

What does this tell me about speaking out? That it is important, because a person doing so can change history? Or that it is pointless, because Jews will never, ever be free of the underlying, vicious antisemitism rampant in the gentile world-we will never be safe there, and therefore need to look to other ways to defend our right to live?

And I can’t stop thinking about it and crying.

On October 7, Hamas invaded Israel and deliberately massacred entire villages of civilian Jews.

Now, TWO MONTHS LATER, the UN and various “human rights” groups are finally reluctantly admitting the obvious. The men of Hamas raped hundreds of the Jewish Israeli women (and some men) before slaughtering them.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/04/world/middleeast/oct-7-attacks-israel-hamas-sexual-violence.html

Most of the victims can’t talk, of course, because they were murdered. But the forensic evidence is obvious. And there were some surviving witnesses.

Hamas was supposed to release all the women and children prisoners. But it is now suddenly refusing to release ten of the young women, and two very young children. It won’t say why.

But everyone knows why.

https://www.timesofisrael.com/report-truce-fell-apart-after-hamas-refused-to-release-more-israeli-female-hostages/amp/

It’s because the men of Hamas have raped, and/or gang-raped, these women and children. probably repeatedly. Hamas doesn’t want the victims to be able to tell people what happened to them.

Or else maybe the men of Hamas just want to keep these women and children for themselves.

I can’t stop crying every time I think about what is happening to those young women. I think of them as children. Let alone the actual children. And there is nothing I can do. Nothing.

I would switch places with them if I could.

No YOU went to 3 targets the day after Halloween and bought way too many things including a sound-activated ghoul

We should really talk about this halloween problem you have

Right after we discuss the Valentine’s Day problem you have

And right after you get back from the spirit of Halloween sales

The

I would like to note that I really love being in my 40s.

Of course, I still look good and function well, I’m not in pain of any kind and I can pick up anyone I want. So it’s kind of cheating.

But given that: it is astonishing how much more confidence and wisdom I have than I did ten years ago- or even five years ago. I have learned so many things and had so many experiences. I know myself so much better. I have so much more perspective. I feel so much more in control and capable.

I have leveled up and on this level I am eating and leaving no crumbs.